So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize