Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I could fuck to npr.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
