girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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