Got a toothbrush?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
