I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
