I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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