At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
