wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
