I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
