I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
