So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
