I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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