I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
