Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.