i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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