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I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Randomize
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