I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.