Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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