I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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