Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry my hands just texted you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
