I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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