I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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