if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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