Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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