we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
