Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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