why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
