hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
