We named our party play list daddy issues
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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