cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
