When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
