dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
