I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
