real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
