I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
