Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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