I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she peed on how many people?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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