Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
