Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He did a backflip because drugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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