Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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