i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
