it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
