does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
