Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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