I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
