whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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