Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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