guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
