The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
