Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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