Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
