I just cut my nipple shaving
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
