I don't think brook has ever known best
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
