a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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