I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
