i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
