You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
