did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
