I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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