I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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