who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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