I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
