did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
