If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
