first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
