he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
