Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
