Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Two words: nipple clamps
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