That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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