i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
