my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
