if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
