and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
and you fell through a lawn chair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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