roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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