Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
