Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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