I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.