I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
