Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
