it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
