I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
