FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
