he puts the penis in happiness.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize