There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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