wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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