Who wears a wallet chain?!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
